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Saint Ted Short Story

Saint Ted


Eddy Sanchez

The wooden door makes a creaky sound as it opens. A tall, skinny teen named Ted slowly tiptoes into the house. He's holding a bulky black garbage bag that appears to be full.

There’s an old poster of a peach on the wall that says, "Bless your heart." The living

room looks bare, with the exception of an old, dusty couch.

His mother, Matilda, lay on the couch. You could see her stomach rising and falling as

she loudly snored. She had a burned-out cigarette in her mouth and a beer in her hand.

Suddenly – "Ted, you little shit, I'll kill you," Matilda yells.

Ted freezes and looks at his mother. He appears relieved when she begins to snore again.

Ted exhales and quietly heads upstairs.


Ted’s room is very organized, like everything has its place. On one side, he has posters of

various women wearing fancy clothes, and on the other, he has several shirtless male models.

Out of nowhere, Ted’s obnoxious friend Joey quietly walks into the room. Joey sneaks up

behind Ted and surprises him.

Joey laughs as Ted screams in a pitched voice. Joey is wheezing as he laughs and says,

"Dude, you scream like a girl. Haven't you hit puberty yet?"

Ted starts to nervously chuckle and replies, “I-I was just p-playing. I fooled you”

Joey pushes Ted back toward his bed and says, “No, you always scream like a girl.”

Ted starts to look through the black garbage bag on the floor and says, “Whatever dude.

What do you want?"

Joey waves goodbye and starts heading towards the bedroom door. Before walking out he

says, "Fine, fuck face, I'm gone." He slams the door as he walks out of the bedroom.

Ted stops looking through his garbage bag and says, “I was joking.” He gets closer to the

door. “You can't take a joke anymore?"

Joey opens the door and peeks his head back in the room and says, "I guess you forgot

who helped you "win" your contest to get into that fancy boarding school." Joey pokes his head out the door again, but leaves it slightly open.

Ted walks to door and looks out. “I-I didn’t forget.” He says softly.

Joey pushes Ted back and walks back in the room. He says, “Dick. Maybe I should tell

Matilda your plans so she can beat the shit out of you again.”

Ted gets closer to Joey and says, "Y-You wouldn’t." Ted’s face suddenly looks paler than

usual. Joey breaks out laughing.

Ted playfully pushes Joey back and says, “Not funny -- Getting into this school is my last

chance to get out of this hell house.”

Joey jumps on the wooden twin-size bed, and dust quickly rises. Joey coughs as he waves

off the dust in front of him. “What’s wrong with this house?" Joey replies with a big grin on his face as he stands up.

Ted gets fidgety as he talks to Joey and says, “W-Well, I-I just want....”

Joey gets in his face and says, “That’s your problem, you think you’re fucking better than

me.” Joey looks at a small silver cross around his neck. “I got it. I’m going to call you “Saint Ted.”

Ted looks bothered for a moment but suddenly starts to laugh as he walks back to the

garbage bag on the floor. He answers, “You’re funny.” Then he places it on his bed. He opens it and pulls out brand-new clothes with tags still attached.

Joey grabs one of the shirts and says, “Nice, did you rob the fucking Goodwill store?”

Ted grabs the shirt back and replies, “I think it looks really nice.”

Joey rolls his eyes and punches him in the arm. “I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing that

shit.” Joey says.

Ted holds his arm and pushes Joey. He walks to his dresser and takes out pliers. He walks

back and picks up a shirt, which still has an alarm on it. He starts trying to use the pliers to take the alarm off.

Joey looks over at him as Ted is trying to take off an electronic device from the shirt's

collar. He hovers over Ted’s back and says, "Let me do it. You’re gonna fuck it up."

Ted looks flustered but keeps trying. Finally, he manages to take off the alarm but tears a

hole in the shirt.

Joey begins to laugh and says, "I fucking told you, stupid."

Ted slams the shirt on the ground and folds his arms. “...Just leave me alone, please.” Ted

replies softly, not wanting to sound too confrontational.

Joey gets close and says, “Fucking loser.” Joey nudges Ted’s head down and storms out

the door.


Ted walks downstairs. He’s dressed in his new clothes. He looks nervous when he sees

Matilda; he freezes in place. Looking hesitant, he asks, “...Did we get any mail?”

Matilda is sitting on the couch, drinking a beer. When she notices Ted, she stands up,

finishes her beer, burps, and walks closer to him.

Ted stands perfectly still; he looks like he’s holding breath.

She folds her arms and asks, “Why? You waiting for something, boy?”

A chill goes down Ted’s spine. He begins to look down and has trouble looking her in the

eye. He first swallows, then replies, “Uh, I-I ordered a-a comic book....”

Matilda looks calm as she lights up a cigarette and takes a puff. “Where did you get those

from, boy?” She says while pointing to his clothes.

Ted becomes more fidgety and starts to look around. “-- Dad took me shopping, I swear.”

He anxiously replies.

As soon as she approaches him, Matilda starts smacking him with her open hand. She

takes off her belt and brings him to the ground and says, “You lying shit.”

His hands are up in fear as she begins to hit him, but he doesn't fight back. Tears

immediately started to fall down his cheeks.

“Your daddy's dead and he ain’t coming back, but God help you if the cops take you

away for stealing." She yelled as she continued to beat him with her pink belt.

Ted is on the floor with his hands up, crying. He screams out, “-- I’m s-sorry, m-mama. I

won’t do it again!” Ted’s tears are streaming down his cheeks. He keeps looking up at his

mother, as if seeking sympathy, but he never seems to find it.

After a couple of hits, she stops to catch her breath. She picks up her cigarette off the

table, and takes a puff from her cigarette. She lets his arm go.

With tears in his eyes and a flushed face, Ted backs up and slowly picks up his school

bag from the floor.

Matilda aggressively grabs his arm again and reaches into her back pocket. She says,

“Were you planning on telling me about this, boy?”

Despite sniffling, Ted is now silent. His face looks bruised, and his whole body is


Matilda pulls out a crumpled letter from her back pocket, “Why is this fancy boarding

school sending you an acceptance letter, boy?” She exclaimed as she let his arm go.

He slowly moves back and puts his school bag in front of him. He looks fidgety and

keeps looking down. “I-I don’t know. M-Maybe it’s a mistake.” He nervously replies.

Matilda points her belt at him and says, “It'd better be. Welfare won’t pay if you ain’t

living here, boy.”

He won’t look her in the eyes as he quickly replies, “Y-Yeah, I-I know.”

She sits down on the couch and starts drinking a beer; she pauses, burps, and says, “I

won’t be as nice next time.” She points to an old looking bamboo stick, hanging on the wall.

His eyes widen as he looks over at the bamboo stick. He backs up slightly, gripping his

school bag tightly.

She smiles as she lights the acceptance letter on fire with her cigarette lighter and drops it

in the trash as Ted watches. She hurls her empty beer can at him and says, "Get the fuck out,

boy. Don’t come back until tomorrow. I got a hot date."

His eyes are drawn to the trash as the acceptance letter burns. He nods and quickly runs

out the door without saying another word.


Ted walks into a building called "The New School." He’s looking around in amazement.

The hallways are large, and everything looks new.

A security guard, Slim, walks up behind Ted and taps him on the shoulder. Ted nervously

jumps back. Slim puts his hands on his oversized, tight belt around his waist and adjusts it, then says, "Can I help you?"

Ted looks up at Slim and answers, – “I-I was -- invited by” Ted nervously looks around.

“-- the principal, yeah.”

Slim takes a good look at Ted and then reaches for his walkie-talkie. He presses on the

walkie-talkie, and it makes a beeping sound. "What’s your name, son?"

"Ah, Ted," he nervously said. "I won the essay competition, and..."

Slim puts the walkie talkie away and says, "Oh, you’re the one. You’re looking for the

headmaster, Mrs. Howard."

Ted repeatedly nods his head and replies, “Yeah, that’s who I meant.”

Slim takes out a slip of paper and a gold pen. He scribbles a note. He’s sweating

profusely just from standing there. He says, "You’re going to need a hall pass; don’t get caught without one.” He hands him the note.

Ted awkwardly smiles and nods as he takes the note. “Y-Yes, sir!” He replies.

Slim solutes Ted and says, “My names is Officer Johnson, but you can call me Slim.” He

points him to a large door nearby.

Ted walks over to the door, and just as he’s about to go in, he bumps into a student, Roy.

Roy is wearing bedazzled glasses and is recording himself on his cell phone. He says,

"Hey, watch where I’m going."

Ted looks confused and is about to say something when Roy points his smartphone’s

camera at Ted. He blurts out, “-- You’re new, I can smell it.”

Ted nervously nods and is about to speak when –

-- Suddenly, the headmaster, Mrs. Howard walks out of her office and says, “-- Stop

scaring the new guy, Roy. Get to class.”

Roy shakes his head and starts to record himself on his phone as he walks away.

“Breaking news: Roy gets sent to class and is never heard from again.”

Mrs. Howard puts her hands on her waist and replies, “I can definitely make that


Roy smiles and runs away. Mrs. Howard leads Ted into her office.


Upon entering her office, Mrs. Howard points to a wooden chair in front of her desk and

sits in her plush swivel chair. She wastes no time and says, “You can call me Mrs. Howard

unless you have a good-looking single father. Then it’s just Ms. Howard.”

“...Well, I-I’m Ted, and unfortunately, he passed away.” Ted looks down nervously as he

somberly replies, “I-It was cancer.”

Mrs. Howard awkwardly smiles at Ted. “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. So, how can I help

you, Ted?”

Ted keeps looking down and appears to be fidgety. “...I-I w-won the writing contest and–"

Mrs. Howard takes a good look at Ted and replies, “Oh, you’re the one. We sent your

acceptance letter but never heard back, I assumed you weren’t interested.”

Ted perks up in his chair and quickly says, “No! ...Uh, my mother is a little sick -- She’s

in the hospital....”

He looks down with a sad expression on his face.

Mrs. Howard stands up and grabs a diet coke from her minifridge behind her desk. She

looks like she got Botox, so her expression hardly changes. “I’m sorry; I hope she feels better.” She opens her diet coke, takes a sip and says, “She doesn’t really need to be here now.”

Ted sighs and appears relieved. “I’m still hoping she recovers; there’s still a chance.”

Mrs. Howard looks down at her files. “We already have your old school records. I’ll

have someone show you the dorm rooms. You’re going to love it here.” Ted has a big smile on his face.

Mrs. Howard walks over and gently pats Ted on the back. She gently taps her head with

her diet coke can and says, “Oh, one last thing. I’m going to need your acceptance letter.”

Ted’s expression changes. He looks a little pale as he replies, “…What if I misplaced my


Mrs. Howard walks back to her desk and is about to sit down but remains standing. She

says, “Without the acceptance letter, we would have to get permission from a parental figure. Is your mother able to speak to me today?

Ted starts to look around nervously. Suddenly, he hears an ambulance outside and blurts

out, “Uh, she’s really sick. The doctors don’t know if she’ll make it.”

Mrs. Howard looks concerned; she puts her hand over her mouth and says, “Oh, I thought

you said she might get better?”

Ted puts his hands on his face and appears to be sad again and replies, “I-I just said that

because I didn’t want to talk about it, but the truth is, she passed away late last night.”

Mrs. Howard sits down. Her mouth opens slightly and remains quiet for a moment. She

folds her arms and softly says, “I’m so sorry. So, who’s your legal guardian?”

Ted stands up and replies, "-- My uncle Joey. He’s my guardian now. He promised to

take care of me when she passed. Her last words were, "Please take care of my sweet, Teddy."

Mrs. Howard leans back in her swivel chair…. “Okay, I’ll call him today at five,


Ted looks hesitant. He’s not sure what to say and answers, “Uh....”

Mrs. Howard leans forward and says, “Is there a problem?”

Ted starts to back out and replies, “No! I just have to make sure my Uncle Joey is

home.”. Ted awkwardly smiles and walks out of her office.


As soon as Ted walks out of the school, he leans back against the wall and exhales. He

starts to pump his fist, jumping up and down with a smile on his face.

Joey walks up from behind him and smacks him on the head.

Ted doesn’t seem bothered by Joey. “Y-You should see inside... It was -- so, so amazing!

I-I love it! I can’t wait to live here!” Ted says as he hugs the building and then sits down on the corner.

Joey taps him on the shoulder. “Earth to Ted. Once she calls that number and Matilda

picks up, she’s gonna flip. Joey says.

Ted stands up and says, “L-Let me think.”

Joey tries to pull Ted toward him but he doesn’t move. “I got it. Let's go, you’re going to

kill that bitch.” Joey says with a demonic smile on his face.

Ted backs away and says, “What?”

Joey puts his arm around Ted and replies, “You think she’s just gonna let her welfare

check just walk out? You’re stupider than I thought.”

An elderly homeless man is walking by, pushing a cart, and sees Ted talking. Ted sees

the homeless man and waves at him as he continues to talk to Joey. “I don’t know Joey. Maybe if I talk to her.” Ted says.

The homeless man looks around, hands Ted a dirty dollar bill and walks away shaking his


Joey takes Ted’s dollar bill and says, “What the fuck is your malfunction. You got less

than an hour before that headmaster bitch calls. You know what you have to do.”

Ted is shaking his head... He starts to walks away as he says, “I-I can’t just kill


Joey tries to pull Ted in his direction and says, "Why not? You did it before; you can do

it again."

Ted starts to walk ahead of Joey. “I-I never k-killed anyone.” Ted nervously replies.

Joey slowly follows and says, “Sure, whatever you say.”

“Just leave me alone!” Ted says as he runs off.


Ted quietly opens the door to his house. Matilda's moaning can be heard as soon as you

walk into the house. He carefully looks around but doesn’t see anyone. He looks at his watch; it’s ten minutes until five. He sees the house phone on the floor. He walks over to grab it, sits down in the corner, and nervously keeps looking towards the staircase.

Matilda’s moaning stops. Ted looks like he’s holding his breath as if he’s waiting for

something to happen, until –

– Joey walks in quietly behind him and smacks him on the head. “Did you do it yet?”

Joey asks.

Joey gets in his face, but Ted pushes him away and whispers, "What are you talking


All of a sudden, we see dust falling from the ceiling, and Matilda starts moaning again.

Joey starts laughing out loud and says, "Holy shit. Your mother’s a slut."

Ted starts to get fidgety. "P-Please be quiet; s-she’s going to hear you." He says as he

puts his hands in front of his face. His hands were trembling like he was about to have a

nervous breakdown.

Joey pulls his hands away from his face and says, "Hello, fuckface. I’m imaginary. He

taps Ted on the forehead. “Only you can hear me! Man, you got issues."

Ted stands up, holding the phone, and turns his back on Joey, who just admitted he was


Joey gets in his face again and says, “So, we gonna kill the bitch or what?”

Ted keeps looking at his watch. He looks like a drug addict who needs a fix. "Dude, I just

need to act like an adult for five minutes. She doesn’t even know I’m here."

The moaning upstairs suddenly stops again. Joey points upstairs. “You hear that? She’s


Ted turns his head and covers his ears. Joey forcefully takes Ted’s hands away from his

ears. “Fuck face, I need Tommy to come out.”

Ted turns away from Joey, puts his shaky hands over his face, and his head drops down.

Joey is about to touch his face but stops short and says, “Teddy?”

Suddenly, Ted’s hands stopped shaking. Taking his hands away from his face, he smacks

Joey, and says, "Who the fuck you calling, Teddy?" His facial expression has changed. A look of irritation appears on his face; he squints his eyes as if he is having difficulty seeing, and slumps his shoulders. It seems as if Ted is a completely different person now.

Joey screams and takes a step back while holding his red cheek. “Tommy?” Joey

nervously says.

He looks around and then walks straight to Ted’s schoolbag on the floor; he walks with a

noticeable limp. "Who the fuck else would it be, stupid?" He picks up the schoolbag and takes out a rusty hunting knife.

Joey’s frown turns into an evil grin, and he says, “I’m sorry, Tommy. I’m just glad that

weakling Ted's finally gone." Joey walks over and puts his hand on Tommy’s shoulder. "It’ll be like that time you killed Ted’s dad for beating him while I watched."

Tommy exhales and looks at Joey’s hand on his shoulder. Joey lets out a nervous grin

and takes his hand off his shoulder. Tommy pushes him away. "Shut the fuck up. He’s not gone.

I only come when Ted needs me. Quit fucking with the kid unless you have a death wish too."

Joey backs up with his hands raised and nervously nods. “S-Sure, whatever you say,”

Joey says and disappears.

Tommy walks up the stairs with his knife. He disappears around the corner, and a few

seconds later, we hear horrific screams.


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